A Steep Learning Curve

This week, we started our first full week of hybrid learning with grades 5, 6, and 9. As expected, things weren't perfect. Teachers who opted to stay at home couldn't hear students in the classroom. The Hybrid Instructional Aides were late arriving to set up the laptop, projector, and camera because they're still familiarizing themselves with the campus. Students showed up without telling the school they were showing up. Instructional time was lost.

For the most part though, it went pretty okay. I've been training teachers with hybrid learning and the use of the fancy camera we have in each classroom. Coming to campus a lot more these days, I realized that I had a lot of gaps: I didn't know which rooms teachers were in. I didn't know how to use the different tech set up for each building/room. I didn't know teachers' schedules. There was just a lot that I didn't know.

And I was the face that teachers saw when it comes to hybrid learning. I couldn't be more prepared even if I tried, and believe me, I tried. This task of training teachers on something I've never done before in my life was daunting. I don't know the best practices in the classroom because I've never tried it. I don't know what works or not. I did meet with teachers who have done hybrid learning outside of my school. I observed a class as well. I read so many articles that my head hurts, but nothing compares to actually doing it. All I can do is make suggestions and work with the teachers' comfort zone.

Our teachers are so stressed out already, and I empathize with their frustrations. I'm right there with them. How do I get my teachers excited about this thing when I'm not excited about it? How can I keep my own opinions about it and share my beliefs without compromising what the school's hybrid learning vision is (which I don't really know either)?

When I shared my frustrations with a colleague, I was told to be a self-directed learner which infuriated me even more. I am a self-directed learner; I just can't seem to figure the structure of some of the most simple tasks because of the complicated way to get there. If anything, I pride myself in figuring things out, but I got really frustrated that I couldn't figure out a simple thing. Ugh.

After that frustrating event, I went on to train two teachers who had questions I couldn't answer. It added to my sense of incompetency. I answered with a statement that was interpreted as my own belief, and that didn't go over well. I didn't feel good throughout the training, and I wanted nothing more than to just end my day and that was only 9:30 am. Through reflection, I realized that it's okay for me to not have the answers. It's okay for me to say, "I don't know." Isn't that what I do with my students when I was teaching? I tell my students all the time that I don't have all the answers; why didn't I transfer that skill over when working with adults?

I felt pressured to have an answer, and I came up with a dumb one instead of being honest and say I didn't know. I know better now. The sense of perfectionism that some teachers expect is exhausting, but I also have to tell myself not to take their criticism personally. I'm getting better with processing my thoughts and emotions. This whole hybrid learning is a steep learning curve for everyone, and I think I just need to keep showing up as me, not what I think teachers expect me to be. That's a lot of pressure that I don't need right now.