ADHD made me a liar

As I continue to get to know my ADHD, I've gotten better at talking nicely to this part of me. I have caught myself saying often, "Oh, I haven't done that at all!" or "I've never done that." And then, when I take the time to reflect or a photo shows up on my FB memories, I have this dreaded feeling because I see the thing I said I haven't done and I lied unintentionally.

Now, I do have to say that I was pretty good at lying intentionally. Or rather omitting things and never saw that as a lying mechanism. I was pretty evil before, and I'm okay with acknowledging it now and claiming my faults. Cause child. WHEW. I thought I could do no wrong. I knew I was causing harm and I didn't care because it was my life. If you decided to be in it, that's on you. We're all adults here. I used to be so proud of the fact that "I kept it real with people" when really, I was just being an asshole.

I digress.

People lie. Sometimes we mean to, sometimes we don't, and sometimes we can't help it. As much as we want people to be honest about everything, I think that's kind of a hard ask. Pride and ego and shame play a part in how we navigate the stories we tell and share. We want folks to be vulnerable here all the time, and that doesn't happen all the time. I think for me, as soon as I realize that I lied, I bring it up and say "Do you remember when I said ____? Yeah, that was a lie and I don't even know why I lied like that."

For instance, I told a partner that I was able to understand Spanish because at one point, I did for the most part - shoutout to my Puerto Rican ex and his family and the fact that Tagalog has similar words - but when you don't practice it, it disappears. So going to Costa Rica with the assumption that I can understand was a humbling experience. Cause, baby, why you lying like that? Or why just say one part of the story and not the rest? That you actually don't know Spanish like that? I be on my shit sometimes.

Anyway, my sister - who is undiagnosed and I believe has a more severe case of ADHD than I do and pictured below - and I laugh about my lying all the time. I am so much better at catching myself telling a lie or only telling parts of a story to make myself look good or omitting things so that I don't have to own up to something. I can honestly say that I don't go out there intentionally hurting folks with my lies anymore.

I really do be out here just saying I've never done something when I have. I just forget that I have. I'm gonna keep giving myself grace when this happens and address it as soon as I realize what I've done. So far, my friends and loved ones have continued to give me grace as well.

ADHD - you not gonna make me a villain out here. You silly goose.