I made new friends!

A friend of mine and I had quite a deep conversation this week about our past behaviors and upbringing. I love these kinds of conversations because they're insightful and meaningful and I get to see a different side of my friend and myself.

Something she said really resonated with me this week "Your book is your friend" and I couldn't agree more. My brother in law also said to me, "I'm surprised that with your ADHD, you can focus on reading books" and we got to talking about hyper focus and how books and stories put me in a different plot line than my own. I get engulfed by stories and I, in a way, befriend the characters that I get to read about. So yeah, books are my friends.

This year, the universe has been really intentional with putting particular types of people (real ones) in my life. I am so grateful for the folks who have shared their energy and time with me, and those same folks live in other parts of the world than I do. I miss out on weekend brunch or going over someone's house to chill and laugh or having someone to go out dancing/skating/eating with me. It's all done virtually, so the books I read this week kept my loneliness occupied.

Y'all. I made some dope ass friends through the books I read. It's been a while since I've read three full books and started two more in one week.

ONE: The Woman in Me by Britney Spears.

It's worth all the hype. By the end of the book, I just wanted to give Britney a hug and invite her over to dance our trauma away. The way she is make so much sense now. Her family took advantage of her and she attracted men who did the same. It was hard for me to also admit that I was part of the problem, criticizing her and hyping up Justin Timberlake (ICK). Media has so much impact on how we think. Gross. And also, I LOVE Britney's IG. She does whatever she wants and as she should, queen.

TWO: Chaos Theory by Nic Stone.

The beauty of this is that I am pretty cool with Nic Stone. Not only is she a beautiful writer, but also a beautiful soul. I was able to live text her as I read the book because I loved everything about Shelbi and Andy so much. I yearned for Shelbi's vulnerability and self-awareness. I wanted to tell her that her friendship agreement is a genius idea that I plan to borrow for when I start dating. Andy's struggle with grief resonated with me in such a deep way, and I also wanted to be in the same space as him so we can sulk together. I ended up crying at the end because I felt so validated with my own mental health challenges and neurodivergence.

THREE: Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe

Whew. Y'all. Same friend asked me what being non-binary means to me, and I am still trying to figure it all out. Maia's memoir - and it's a graphic novel! - gave me so many words to articulate how I'm feeling and all the validation I needed as I continue to get to know my gender identity. I felt that much closer to Maia because I can relate to what Maia shared and it felt like I basically had tea with Maia and reflected on our gender identities together. Being in Montgomery right now, it's been interesting. Folks refer to me as "ma'am" all the time and I just don't have the energy or capacity to correct and then explain. Of course majority of the public restrooms I've used are for 'women' because there is no family restroom that is available or unlocked. (Why are family restrooms locked or unavailable majority of the time?!) And clothes. I finally realized that I don't really like shopping that much because I can't find anything in the women's section that I absolutely love and I can't find anything in the men's section to fit me properly. 🥴 So, yeah, I've had lots of conversations with Maia in my head this week. Maia is basically my homie. Such a great friend.

FOUR: Money Out Loud by Berna Arat

-Now I've only read like three chapters, but that's enough to create a friendship with Berna. You know you've experienced meeting someone and right away you know y'all are going to be besties. Basically how I feel about Berna. -

Filipina queen over here just spitting out the truth in her book and making finances that much more relatable, culturally and with so much sass and humor. I've heard Berna Arat's stories through her IG and podcasts before, and I absolutely believe that we are friends. Not only can she understand Filipino culture, she and I can also learn Tagalog together while guiding me on how to manage my finances. What a great bestie right?! We're basically a match made in heaven.

FIVE: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

-I've only made it to Chapter 3 because this person needs breaks from all the hard truths AND overwhelming feelings of everything making so much more sense.-

Okay. So my family has been in shambles since my mom died and kind of expected, right? (Since moms basically are the glue of family dynamics? Right?) Anyway, my sister's therapist recommended this book and of course, whatever my sister learns in her therapy is also a lesson for me because we grew up in the same household. -Just go with it. It makes sense. - Lindsay is the only one I can't consider a friend, because she's my therapist. Naturally. Duh. And that would break whatever rules there are about relationships between therapists and their patients and goodness gracious, we don't want to break rules. Right? 😈 I mean, she basically knew me before I even stepped in her therapy room. She knew why I struggled to be fully emotionally intimate with anyone and why it was such a challenge to ask for help. She also shared that our brain aligns safety with familiarity; hence I'm still working on creating a safety net for me. Because what I'm familiar with is definitely NOT safety. This "friendship" is definitely emotional. I keep crying for my inner child and how I'm having such a difficult childhood at 35.

Here are some acquaintances that I came across this week ask and enjoyed their brief presence (cause you know, we are careful with the word 'friend' and we can still gain gems):

• The Joy of Work by Bruce Daisley - Gem: Informal conversations are just as important as formal conversations so go cackle with your coworkers.

• We Need to Talk by Celeste Headlee - Gem: STFU and actually listen

• Good Strategy, Bad Strategy by Richard Rumelt - Gem: When it comes to strategy talk, it all goes above my head cause I definitely did NOT retain anything from this. 🥴 (2024 goal here)

Shoutout to my new friends. Thank you for nurturing me, validating me, teaching me, and making me feel less lonely.

And a special shoutout to Bo. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring me to write about our "friends".